Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Road To Motherhood


The road to motherhood is different for each of us

Some roads are lined with roses and filled with sunshine and smooth stones

HOWEVER

Some of those roads are broken
just like mine

Finding out that I was pregnant at the age of 19 was devastating.
Cameron and I were then  married and soon after became a family of three.

We knew that this was not God's perfect plan for our family but we also knew that God is the Giver of Life and despite our poor choices, He had given us a daughter. She was never a consequence. Believe me when I say there were plenty of others that we had to walk through but she is not one of them.

My road to motherhood was lined with guilt and shame. Often parts of the road were simply impassable because a HUGE boulder of sadness would be stuck right in the middle of the road.
Growing up in a christian home allowed me to have an amazing foundation to fall to. Trust me... I was at rock bottom! It was in that time that I had truly set myself on autopilot. Something happened in my heart that forever changed me. I went from being someone that people looked up to to the girl that was basically marked with the "scarlet letter" Talk about TOUGH! It all happened overnight and took everything that I thought I was away from me. 
It was a road that I would have never chosen for myself. Its a road that the Lord did not have marked out for me. However, I would not be who I am today if I had not walked through the YUCK of that broken road. Walking over that broken and beaten path has strengthened my steps to follow after Him more. So many times when I felt SO alone I would have no one to cling to but the Father. I knew He heard my broken cry for Him!

I am a woman that understands brokenness. 
I know what it feels like to have people that loved you yesterday look at you as if you are worthless.
 I know how it feels to have my name sent out in a "prayer chain" that was never intended for good
 I am a woman that knows how it feels to have to sit in an office to see if you qualify for welfare.
I am a woman that knows the look of disappointment on people's faces
I am the woman that knows some of you will NEVER see more than the broken pieces of my story
 I am also a woman that 10 years later. looks NOTHING like the woman that stood at the start of this broken road. 
When the road seemed too difficult to find and the enemy wanted to continue blinding me with shame, God spoke gently to my heart and encouraged me to press on one more day. Take one more step towards HIM! When the chaos and fear were too loud, He would speak in His still small voice to my heart. 
I assure you that I am a testimony that He truly does make ALL THINGS NEW!
My prayer is that my road to motherhood is always a reminder of how much I need my Savior!
How much the Father loves me and how much GRACE HE has shown 

I want my heart to beat after the things of the Lord! 
Motherhood is such a blessing and I am honored that He has chosen to give me three children for the past several years.
I see that my broken road has led me  HERE...

To a place that is still marked with daily struggles and hurdles. To a place where grace, love and mercy abound!
From a 19 year old unmarried pregnant teenager to a woman that God has called to
adopt two children with a broken road of their own.
I simply stand in AWE of His amazing grace! He has SO MUCH work left to do in me and I simply place myself in the Potter's hands. For I know that HIS WAYS ARE NOT OUR WAYS and HIS THOUGHTS ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS... so its best if I just step aside and watch him work :)

Happy Belated Mother's Day
and may your story of motherhood be
ALL FOR HIS GLORY


  My precious Alyssa HOPE












2 comments:

  1. As far as motherhood goes...you are an inspiration to us all.

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  2. You are an amazing mom and I am so inspired by how you've allowed God to transform you. It takes great courage and strength to do what you've done not only in the transformation process but to use the road you've traveled to bring glory to God as well as to minister to so many.

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