Didn't see that CRAZY coming :)

As reported in an earlier post

WE BOUGHT A PUPPY

remember her?

Ok, well I also believe that I hinted towards the crazy that was brought forth by her arrival

I was too tired to really go into all of it the other night but tonight...

 I have nothing but a quiet house and some alone time

So, we brought sweet little RockC home and all was going well

We were all excited and the kids were in heaven having a new little puppy around the house

We took her to the pet shop and purchased some chew toys, a leash and a collar.

I mean, we were SET

We had a great afternoon of taking her to meet the family

Well, my sister, her hubby and kiddos.

It was a great evening of newness and fun! 

When it was time to settle in for the night...

IT HAPPENED

( the crazy that is)

I began really losing it 

The kids had been tucked in bed and now it was up to Cameron and me to figure out how the night was going to go with this new little creature.

We put her in her crate right next to our bed and just sat there watching her. She began whimpering. Her whimper quickly turned into an ear piercing YELP

Cameron just chuckled and decided to sweet talk her to see if that would work

He then got her out of the crate and put her next to us in the bed. He decided that he was going to take a shower...which then left me to face the puppy alone :)

What I AM ABOUT TO SAY SOUNDS CRAZY... I KNOW THAT

Watching her in her cage clawing to get out and listening to her yelp sent my heart and head into a HUGE panic!  I immediately realized how much ( in my mind) this was going to be like bringing our little ones home.  The night before... we didn't have her and then...that night she was just THERE!

Knowing nothing of where she was the night before or how she liked to sleep. I didn't know if she liked to sleep with a blanket or a chew toy. Did she like chew bones or tennis balls...I mean... I was snapping :)

As Cameron went and hopped in the shower, he left the puppy next to me. I scooped her up and cuddled her. She turned and licked me but then BIT me. Which sent me into a full blown tear fest. 

There have been times when I have questioned what it will be like to have Chloe and Eli home that very first night in our home. For some reason having the puppy and not knowing how to make her settle down and sleep or stop screeching in her crate made me question my ability to parent these two precious babies. Then I stepped out of the crazy fog and realized Im already a pretty good momma to my three and the Lord would help me walk through it. HOWEVER, the crazy was intense there for a time.

There is a realization that there is a life that these babies have lived that doesn't involve me. They have developed routines, coping skills and have found comfort in things that I know nothing of. I must admit that scares me a little. Umm, when I say a little, maybe I mean a lot :) I know that with each baby  that you bring home, there is a huge learning curve. With my children that are 9,7, and 4 I am still learning. There is just something that is a little scary about bringing little ones home that you so badly want to feel safe, loved and happy...only to realize that there is so much to grieve, work through and heal from.

 I think that this has been a great eye opener for this crazy momma! I truly feel that this has shown me a side to this journey that I had shut out. You know, the realistic one! The reality that after this part of the journey is over...the real journey is just getting started!!! That makes my heart soar! I am thrilled to be Chloe and Eli's mommy. Now more than ever I just see that I will NOT be able to do this apart from the Father! I will have no idea how to comfort them sometimes, I do not know if they will like to be held when they fall, cuddled when they are sleepy or hugged when they are sad. I will have no idea! The great news is that I am fully aware that I don't have to know all of those things. I know that God, who began this good work in us will be faithful to walk the path with us. Will it be hard...YES! I fully expect that. 

However, I know that God redeems what is lost and heals broken hearts. I have seen it first hand. I praise Him for all that He is going to do in and through our family and especially our chidren...

all FIVE of them