Ear Infection with a little Grief on the Side

It was such a small cry but this mommy hopped up and headed down the hall the very minute that I heard it.

Even at 2am, fresh out of a dead sleep, I knew the cry was coming from Bryson. 

He had mentioned earlier in the day that his ear felt funny. 

As most parents know...these things tend to get worse when all doctors are closed.

 I walked into his room and he was actually still sleeping but holding his ear and crying. 

Let me assure you those eyes didn't stay closed for long and his tiny cry quickly grew to the ear piercing stage.I ran and grabbed him some medicine and gave it to him. He just continued crying and I just hurt for him. 

I scooped him up and just cuddled him close ( because lets be honest...in moving houses I've lost my heating pad so I had to warm the old ear on mommy) 

As I cuddled him close I just rubbed his back and sang to him. 

I wanted to make the hurting go away and help him fall back to sleep

I just sang over the tears and loved him

While I was laying there next to him, I couldn't help but think how much I loved him

How I didn't mind being worn out the next day because I just wanted him to know I was there and that

in that moment...his ear hurting was way more important than me sleeping.

After he finally fell to sleep I walked out of his room and just sat in the hallway and cried

I found myself grieving for Eli and Chloe, two children that have potentially had to cry themselves to 

sleep many nights hurting, sad, and scared. I just wept for them. My heart aches deeply knowing

that again tonight they will be without their mommy to sing to them, without their daddy to tuck them in.

That is so hard. Their faces are constantly streaming through my head and heart. 

I want them to know just how much they are loved. 

I want them to know that they have been longed for, prayed for and fought for!!

 

For now, as their earthly mommy I have to place them yet again in the hands of their Heavenly Father.

Today is hard. It feels as though someone has my children and I can't get to them. They are 

in a world that I know little to nothing positive about. They are just not with me..even as I say that, again

the Father reminds me that He is with them. He loves them more than Cameron and I ever could imagine.

I continue to pray that a day quickly approaches when I can hold them, kiss them and let them know that 

they have a family that will never abandon them and of course more importantly that they have a Heavenly Father that will never abandon them. 

The strengthening of my faith continues.