Handing Over The Ashes

The pieces fell so quickly

All that I felt was certain crumbled within moments

I found myself staring with great fear at the place I once stood

 now a pile of ashes scattered on the floor

 There was little  I recognized but was certain it was my life.

I knew in that moment, everything had changed

The reality was that my life would never look the same

For years I strived to form something familiar from the pile of ruins

Yet nothing I created would truly hold its form

 

The faster I would scoop a pile of ashes into my hands

the faster they would fall through my fingertips.

I would escape the dust fill my lungs with air

Only to find myself gasping for my next breath

All of my striving would not form a foundation to build on

Instead, my efforts were stirring the ashes and blinding me

The attempts to create life quickly began drowning me.

I felt suffocated by the weight I was carrying

It was simply too much

 

I would like to say that I recognized this quickly

however, it has taken well over two years to be

still and quiet enough

for the dust to settle and for me to hear the Father telling me to

REST

CEASE STRIVING

STOP FIGHTING

Its Done

 

He has been pressing this into my heart for some time

I simply felt as though I didn't know how to obey

It felt weak to stop

It felt unfaithful to be still

Somewhere in my mind obedience equaled movement

Yet  as I write He whispers to my heart again

Let Go

and

Hand the ashes to me

 

So that is what I've done

 

I lay my life in His hands

It has been there all along

Yet I willingly submit to His will for the formation of this pile

He has already breathed life into me

The scattered and shattered pieces are taking form

They look nothing like they used to and like nothing I would have

expected. There is such beauty in that. He allowed me to strive

He allowed me to build knowing it would crumble

However, He held me knowing that when I stopped and handed

it all to Him willingly, that He would create from these ruins

a story far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

 

One heartbeat at a time

One breath at a time

One step

One smile

One laugh

 

He is bringing beauty from these ashes

 and for that I am grateful

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





The Lord Spoke to Job out of the Storm

"Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm:

 

Brace yourself like a man

I will question you,

and you shall answer me.

Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself?
Do you have an arm like God's
and can your voice thunder like his?
Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor,
and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.
Unleash the fury of your wrath, look at every
proud man and bring him low.
Look at every proud man and humble him.
crush the wicked where they stand......"
Job 40:6

How I feel His presence so deeply these days. He is speaking to my heart
out of the storm. The chaos abounds and at times threatens to overwhelm.
However, God in his vast love for me is directing my heart to Him.

I found myself these past two days pleading for relief.
Asking God could there be another way
 My steps are weighted, My heart is heavy
and my soul longs for rest. I am tired of the fight.
However,  He speaks to my weary heart
and shows me that His work is not yet complete in me.
He is holding me even now. Though at times I question
His ways. I ultimately trust His heart. His relentless pursuit
of my whole life leaves me speechless. While I grapple
with how hard it has to be I hear Him speaking to me out of the storm.
For that I am grateful

As I read those verses this morning with tears streaming down my
face, I was reminded of Who I am dealing with. He is the Creator of
all. I question His ways because the process is all too painful at times.
Yet it is the pain and the process that will produce fruit that would never
be seen if I were not to walk this step by step. It would be easier at time
to close my eyes and wake up when its all over.
My prayer instead is that I would walk this road with my eyes
wide open. I want to see the mountains that stand in
my path. I want to see the challenge, feel every painful step. There will be
a time to look back and remember where I once was. I pray I stand in awe on
that day as I do on this one. Knowing that God is faithful. Trusting that
even now He is holding me.
Would I truly have it any other way?
Would I take an easier path in order to
gain selfish ground?
I trust that the difficulty of this journey is producing a heart
in me that is one tiny bit closer to His. So, while my body and mind
are weary and long for rest. My heart strengthens under the weight of
this. It is not of me and that is where I find courage, peace and comfort.
It is Christ in me.