Handing Over The Ashes

The pieces fell so quickly

All that I felt was certain crumbled within moments

I found myself staring with great fear at the place I once stood

 now a pile of ashes scattered on the floor

 There was little  I recognized but was certain it was my life.

I knew in that moment, everything had changed

The reality was that my life would never look the same

For years I strived to form something familiar from the pile of ruins

Yet nothing I created would truly hold its form

 

The faster I would scoop a pile of ashes into my hands

the faster they would fall through my fingertips.

I would escape the dust fill my lungs with air

Only to find myself gasping for my next breath

All of my striving would not form a foundation to build on

Instead, my efforts were stirring the ashes and blinding me

The attempts to create life quickly began drowning me.

I felt suffocated by the weight I was carrying

It was simply too much

 

I would like to say that I recognized this quickly

however, it has taken well over two years to be

still and quiet enough

for the dust to settle and for me to hear the Father telling me to

REST

CEASE STRIVING

STOP FIGHTING

Its Done

 

He has been pressing this into my heart for some time

I simply felt as though I didn't know how to obey

It felt weak to stop

It felt unfaithful to be still

Somewhere in my mind obedience equaled movement

Yet  as I write He whispers to my heart again

Let Go

and

Hand the ashes to me

 

So that is what I've done

 

I lay my life in His hands

It has been there all along

Yet I willingly submit to His will for the formation of this pile

He has already breathed life into me

The scattered and shattered pieces are taking form

They look nothing like they used to and like nothing I would have

expected. There is such beauty in that. He allowed me to strive

He allowed me to build knowing it would crumble

However, He held me knowing that when I stopped and handed

it all to Him willingly, that He would create from these ruins

a story far more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

 

One heartbeat at a time

One breath at a time

One step

One smile

One laugh

 

He is bringing beauty from these ashes

 and for that I am grateful