Your Ways Are Higher

I carefully studied each of their faces in the rear view mirror this morning

I watched them laugh, sing and debate the latest brother sister issue

 I deeply soaked in the sounds that filled the car. I wanted to be certain that

I took the time to SEE them. As I pulled into the parking lot of the school I couldn't help

but take notice of the police car sitting at the fire station next door. Our community's attempt 

Im sure at bringing comfort to parents, teachers and students. My immediate reaction

to this was not comfort but instead fear. As I pulled up to the school to let Alyssa and 

Bryson out, I couldn't help but feeling as though I was handing them over to the world and

all of the evil that it holds. As we drove closer  to the door I continued letting them

know how much I loved them and that I would be praying for them. This is a typical 

car pool conversation as they hop out onto the sidewalk to head in to school. However, today

I felt a sense of desperation in my heart. I wanted them to KNOW that I loved them. I wanted

them to KNOW that even though I wasn't beside them that I was praying for them. As Alyssa

hopped out she turned to me and said Mom, I love you more than you know. Bryson ran 

ahead of her then turned back with the most precious smile and just waved good bye to me.

As I drove off I continued watching them as they walked into the building and down the hall.

As they disappeared from my sight a surge of panic gripped me. 

However, as quickly as the fear set in, an overwhelming truth was spoken to my heart.

They are in His hands

I know what its like to feel so completely out of control. I know what its like to pray and beg

God to spare your children from the absolute evil surrounding them. I know the fear of waking up

every day wondering if your child has made it another day. Why is it any different now?

The truth was telling. 

I had no choice but to place Chloe and Eli in God's hands. I truly had no choice. I can only

wake up and give them to Him. I can't see them, hold them or touch them. I have no idea

if someone is hurting them, feeding them or loving them. I have NO knowledge of how they

are. I can not control ONE thing that happens to them. I can not control ONE step of this

process to bringing them home. I HAVE NO CONTROL! So, what else would I do but

place them in God's hands. 

The Lord showed me this morning that I had not given Alyssa, Bryson and Caleb entirely to Him. 

Every day I  pray for them. Pray that they would be kind, see people how God sees them, do well on a test, not be picked on...but I never NEVER said if its your will for them to be home with you...

Let it be so

I had said it with Chloe and Eli time and time again but I truly believe with my older three I 

felt that I somehow controlled what happened to them because I drop them off, pick them up, feed them, love them, hold them...and the Lord has shaken me this morning. Placing my children

in His hands in not a choice. He is in control. Not me. No matter how closely I hold them He is still 

the giver and taker of life. 

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father that loves my children, all five of them far beyond what I can

ever imagine. I place each of them in His hands. The Lord continually takes my heart to 

Philippians 3:20 " but our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a savior from there"

 This is not our final home. 

I will continue to pray for the families that have experienced a loss that is more heart wrenching than

I can fathom. My heart truly breaks for them. The thought of never holding my children again is 

beyond my ability to comprehend. The loss is so great. However, in the midst of it all I pray 

that somehow someone is drawn closer to the Father through this evil act. 

 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people." Genesis 50:20