Eli after having jiggers removed

 We received news that Eli has been running a fever

They are not certain what the root of the problem  is 

however, their hope was perhaps the jiggers had caused 

the fever. They took him to the pediatrician who recommended

having his jiggers removed immediately.

This is our agency director's husband that has gone over to care for these 

precious babies. Our friends little girls had their feet worked on this

week as well. I was hopeful that they would be able to stay together

however, with Eli's fever and his apparent love for crying :)

they decided to place him in the home of a pastor and his wife

Our agency director's husband and daughter have their hands FULL with

several little ones post op. so this truly was the best option.

We also found that Chloe had surgery the following day ( yesterday) 

and was being sent to stay with Eli in the pastor's home.

We have not heard back from DRC regarding Chloe and Eli but I 

have full confidence that the minute our agency hears, they will let us know.

We can not wait to hear about how Eli's fever is. 

I am struggling seeing this precious baby boy being loved on by someone other than me

after surgery ( how selfish of me!!!) but its the truth. 

How I long to have that precious hand on my shoulder! 

ONE DAY

ONE DAY

I will continue telling myself that

For now, here are his sweet pictures after surgery

 While I may be so jealous that its not me holding Eli...

I must admit I have NEVER been more thankful for someone in my life

Oh, stepping in and loving on my sick boy

What a beautiful picture of the Gospel 

Precious Eli, your mommy loves you! I love you with all of my heart and

can not wait to hold you in my arms. I truly long for the day that I can see you face

to face, sing you bedtime songs, and kiss your precious face. How I love you sweet boy.

Please join us in praying that these little ones feet will heal quickly.

Please pray that Eli's fever will come under control soon

Pray that it was related to his feet and nothing more serious. 

Also, pray that we would accept God's will in all of this and move 

forward in confidence

Job of the Bible or Eeyore of the Hundred Acres Woods?

At least in the Smalley house!

My heart is so heavy!

The trials that we have faced and are still facing over the past year and a half are just threatening

to squeeze the life out of us. I know that sounds dramatic but  I assure you if I could climb in bed, black out my windows and throw the covers over my head...I WOULD! 

I've said that I feel like Job from the Bible. He had everything taken from him. Stripped of his

family as he knew it, home as he knew it, LIFE as he knew it. Well, THAT IS ME!

However, I also am quickly reminded that perhaps I should compare myself to someone

other than Job. After all, satan did find Job to be so righteous that he just wanted to prove that such an amazing man would curse God in the heat of suffering. Job was being hit from every angle. One messenger would report and then another and another. I have at least had a 16 month span of time to get slammed

OH, how I do NOT relate to Job!

I remember falling in the floor of my house after everyone had left just sobbing my eyes out

I remember driving down the road screaming so hard that it hurt MY ears

and just asking God WHY!?!?!

I've been bitter

I've been SO angry

so, lets be honest...JOB...not close! 

MORE LIKE THIS GUY

So, now that we have cleared that up lets move on :)

We just can not figure out when its going to stop!

We laugh/sigh heavily :) and wonder what in the WORLD it must be like to have only

ONE thing going on at a time

I swear I keep looking at Cameron and think I may need to take us both out in the ocean and see who the Jonah is. Lets get this thing over with! Lets jump out and see who the whale swallows! The seas will surely be calmed then...right?

Feet Update on C&E

 

Quick update:

 

On our weekly chat we learned tonight that two of the little girls

have had surgery. Their surgery took place Saturday and everything

went well. From what I understand one little girl will be having

surgery fairly soon.

 

When we asked our agency director tonight about the twins,

she suggested they would be receiving an evaluation. It is believed

that they will potentially just have the jiggers removed with sedation.

Perhaps their feeet are not as bad as some of the older children.

 

We are just ready to have them home.

It is beyond difficult to be apart while attempting to

make good decisions for them. It boils down to faith

I can not place my trust in the people observing the babies.

I can not place my trust in their facilities or medicine

I MUST place my faith in the One that called us to them

 

Psalm 20 

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God".

 

Never Once

 

 

My heart is breaking

 

The news today from the orphanage has not been good

 In fact, the situation with the children's feet has gotten much worse

Today another doctor came to see the children and said that two of the girls needed

surgery on their feet immediately. It is feared that gangrene has begun setting in.

These little girls will be having surgery tomorrow if all goes as planned

 

The need is still so great. They are trying to scramble and gather a team of

people that would possibly be willing to travel to care for these little ones

while they have surgery and after. Sending them back into the orphanage

post surgery would be placing them back into the same environment that

caused the issue to begin with. Only now, with more open wounds. This

would cause huge set backs and another potential surgery.

 

Our agency is working diligently to bring relief to the children but it is very

difficult to put together a team to travel at the last minute as well as

gain visas and passports.

 

This need is urgent.

 

I have nothing that I can do

I FEEL HELPLESS

 

My sister called and shared this song with me tonight

as always she called at the perfect time

I have been feeling very overwhelmed today.

It is easy in these type of situations to be sent into panic

How quickly can we get there

What is going to happen if we don't make it to Congo

Would the Lord bring us on this journey for it to end horribly?

What if he has called us to love children that may never make it to our home?

 

I know these are extreme thoughts but they are the fears that have been clamoring around in my head all day. I have felt captured by fear and sadness. I have felt so alone. SO SMALL!! Unable to fix anything!

 

 

 

The reality is that this entire journey could simply be about obedience.

It may not end the way that we hope and long for but in the end

His ways are HIGHER

We are not walking alone and our precious babies are not alone

He is there with them. I pray that HE reveals himself in ways to them that only HE can

I pray that He draws near to them when the pain is overwhelming.

I pray that His will be done

Even as I write this, the reality of what that could be sends waves of sorrow through my heart

I will continue to trust

I will continue to shout how faithful HE is

 

I will cling to the knowledge that all of this is for HIS glory and to make His name known

 

In this valley I will sing songs of praise.

I chose to trust in HIM

( now, that is today...tomorrow I will most likely revert back to the version of me that is curled up under the covers crying)

BUT FOR TONIGHT

this is my heart