To Know Him More

 

 

As I climb into bed tonight my head and heart are swirling
I only have SIX more sleeps to go before three of my favorite
boys are here. Yet, with that excitement also comes the reminder
that I am not home. Tonight, I am longing for home

My heart was laid heavy with the reality that not only
have I been here for five days but I very likely
{UNLESS A MIRACLE HAPPENS}
will be here for another 120 or so days or so
That is a lot to let sink in
This place is unfamiliar in every way

My heart is to be home

Yet there is still so much that is required

 

Zambia requires three months of fostering before you are able to

gain final approval.
They have recently added in a two week

"bonding" phase prior to the three month foster phase.

That is why Im here, starting that two week phase so that when

Derek arrives, we can hopefully have a court date to be given

foster parent rights.

We currently sit waiting on our paperwork to be found in the

capital. We checked today..and will check again tomorrow
So that is the latest on the actual process itself
Pray the paperwork can be back dated to the first day I was
here with the children instead of when they find our paperwork

 

It is hard to press in tonight and hear clearly what next steps are

Its difficult to discern His voice from my own

desires, hopes and fears.

 

I don't want to move a single step without Him

I truly desire for this entire process to go just as the Lord desires

He has a plan and that very well may include me being here with

these five kiddos of mine for 4 months

I want that if He does...with tears streaming down my face

I do truly desire His work to be complete in this situation

whatever that looks like.

 

I want to hear His voice ahead calling me step by step

to Himself and His plan

 

El Roi, You are the God who SEES. You see me here and you

know the weight feels too much today. Be near to me Lord

Please do not let me move without you out of selfish ambition

Lead me to Your heart when I am overwhelmed

Hold us in the palm of your hand...God I feel alone tonight.

I don't feel strong Father. Yet I know that you are made

PERFECT in my weakness. You give me new strength daily

You restore my soul

 

"You were the VICTOR in the King

You were the POWER in David's swing

You were the CALM in Abraham

You are the GOD who understands

You are the STRENGTH when we have none

You are the LIVING HOLY ONE

You were

You are

and

you will ALWAYS be"

 

My may weary soul rest in who You are

Lord I trust you heart is good and kind

Help me to trust that you are mighty beyond comprehension

Help me to trust that you would reach down into this life

of mine and use me for Your kingdom

and Lord...Father, if at all possible...can we all please go home SOON